True understanding of love is still beyond the hands of elders. The effect of first viewing at the age of 16 brings different expectations with age. On the occasion of Valentine’s Day, meet the couple whose love story (Shaibala Martin and Rakesh Pathak’s love story) started at the age of fifty Plus. We are talking about Senior Journalist Dr. Rakesh Pathak (Journalist Dr. Rakesh Pathak) and Senior Administrative Officer Shailbala Martin (IAS Officer Shailbala Martin) in the Government of Madhya Pradesh (Deputy Government). In this exclusive Health Shots interview, they both speak their hearts out.
First introduction and further conversation
About the beginning of their love story, Shaybala Martin says: “This attraction started from my side. Not that we should go ahead and get married, but I’ve heard him on a lot of televised debates. I really liked his logic and style of speaking. I am also interested in politics and enjoy listening to debates.
The courage with which he speaks in today’s environment impressed me a lot. While scrolling through Facebook, when I saw his picture on You May Know, I wondered if he was the same person we hear on TV debates. No introduction, I just sent a friend request.
How to start a new relationship after a divorce?
After 25 years of married life, Dr. Rakesh Pathak’s first wife passed away. Her elder daughter was also married and younger daughter and wife’s mother i.e. Rakesh Pathak’s mother-in-law lived in the house with her. His position regarding this new relationship was different from that of Shaibala Ji. He says: “At first, we did not think of such a thing. On the contrary, we both did not know each other properly. I understood his thoughts after connecting on Facebook. This Aami also writes a travelogue called Chachabor. I felt from him that he is an administrative employee who can read and write.
“Shailbala ji, like us, has a very secular ideology. Phone numbers were exchanged after ideological reconciliation, then official meetings were held with journalists and administrative staff. It was during these meetings that it became clear that he was not yet married. At that time, he was 56 years old, I am a widow, and he found out only then. We got to know each other while talking about society, politics and the administrative environment.
Intimacy has increased during the Corona period
Dr. Pathak further explains, “By then, the second wave of the Corona epidemic had started. Some of us had organized a morcha together where we fed migrant laborers from Gujarat and Maharashtra. I realized that she cared a lot about me during this time. Then I felt that they care a little about me.
Things worked out that way, although it was a very difficult decision for both of us to get married. But my daughters and their grandmother expressed their happiness about this relationship. Other friends and relatives also openly welcomed this relationship. Today we are together and happy.”
The virtual world has also contributed
Rakesh ji is really very different. His qualities are so many that I am amazed. The best thing is that they are very kind people. Very cooperative. When I read Dr. Pathak’s social media posts, I read the comments that came in it. After reading them, I realized that Dr. Pathak has a lot of respect in the society and people trust him. Meeting them, I realized that when they appear on the outside, they really are.
Dr. Pathak says, “As far as being an IAS is concerned, it is very easy. Most of all, its simplicity attracted me. I meet a lot of people, but they are very comfortable. Having met him, I realized that he is not from the different castes that we are talking about. Despite holding high posts, he is not an IAS officer who keeps himself aloof. She is a very spirited and kind woman.
“After knowing how much he worked for the community and family, my respect for him increased even more. Even during the Corona period, people saw my work on social networks. But behind the scenes, only he was doing a lot of work. Then I felt that this is the kind of character that a person should have.
The decision to get married was difficult
The second question you asked is absolutely true that when we are young we fear our parents and when we grow up we worry about our children. I am a very social person myself. I don’t want to do something that will lower my reputation in society or make people talk about me. The girls were also worried.
The girls wanted me to start my life again. She was worried that her father would be alone after her mother left. The older daughter got married, and the younger daughter was about to be engaged. He was worried that we would be lost in our own world and how dad would be left alone. You would be surprised how many times she scolded me.
In fact, once on my birthday, Shaibala Ji sent a cake to my address in Gwalior. I was not at home and the eldest daughter opened the package. He inquired about Shaibala ji, found her on Facebook, saw her pictures, knew her views and when she found out she was single and we were somewhat friendly.
Since then his insistence was that I should know Shailbala ji’s wish, does he want to stay with me for the rest of his life? Although the girls had no objection to our friendship and being in our lives.
Yes, but it took some thinking. First, with age, some things are preserved. But we did not encounter any problems. When we went from friends to life partners, we didn’t face any discomfort.
it changes a lot with age
Rakesh Pathak: Actually, we both knew a lot about each other. We have many interests. That’s why it was never a problem. Although each person is different. It doesn’t have to be all the same, even though there are differences, we decided to go ahead with them. We got married both in the Sanatan way and in the Christian way. It is true that it is difficult to adjust in old age, but we did not face any problem in adjusting to each other.
Watch the full interview here:
Some things he takes as me, some things I take as him, and on some things we both stand firm on our sides.
Shaybala Martin: The doctor already said a lot, but my one problem was that I live alone since I started working. My only concern for myself was, after thirty-one years of being single, would I be able to fit in with someone in the family? Being friends or being in love is one thing, but living together is another.
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I was also afraid whether I would be able to meet Dr. Pathak’s needs, whether I would be able to accommodate him or not, whether I would be able to take care of him or not. Because I am not used to these things. But when we lived together, we complemented each other. Dr. Pathak took care of my shortcomings and I took care of Dr. Pathak’s shortcomings.
Just a pinch of salt and pepper, which is always present in husband and wife, is also present in us. This should also happen because this relationship remains good. We are at that stage where we are both mature. If there is a problem, we will find a solution by talking. There’s no ego in either of us, so that’s another good thing.
How do I find the time?
Shailbala: All day we both are busy with our work. But we go for a walk every evening. Sometimes before dinner or after dinner. He participates in all the arts and cultural programs held in Bhopal. Now I don’t have a field duty, so every Saturday-Sunday we both go for a walk. I decided to spend the weekend together.
You two tell me what is love for you?
Shailbala: From the beginning, love for me was such that we take care of each other. Respect each other’s wishes. This is the definition of my love for my mother, brother and other family members. Yes, in family life or in romantic relationships, the expectations of love will be a little higher. But even there the core remains the same.
Dr. Pathak: Love is what Kabir Das ji said, “Prem na bari upje, prem na haat bikai. The king takes the body wherever he wants.
The meaning of taking the head is that you have to take your breath away and hide it. There should be no ego towards the person you are in love with. Loyalty to each other, the spirit of sacrifice is love. I am lucky to have found such a life partner at this moment in my life.
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